Bird-in-Hand Assistant Silage Assessor. Or did you mean on the track?
What brought you to DDR?
Using the fertile soil near Peach Bottom's nuclear reactor, Turkey Hill fountain drinks, and new genetic splicing techniques, I've been breeding monstrously-sized draft chickens to haul my farm equipment. However, the experiments have been more difficult than expected. Discouraged and tired of staring at the rump of my mule, I'm skating with Dutchland to promote my ideas while I raise the start-up capital to continue. Unlike my plan to furrow Lancaster county using Fibonacci numbers or implant tracking chips in children at Dutch Wonderland, these hens will change everything.
What keeps your wheels turning?
The jam whistle must be some sort of Pavlovian trigger. I just can't stop. And then there's revenge. I'm watching and waiting for my chance to permanently hobble Biroller Disorder as a comeuppance over a little incident involving horseshoes, Manic Panic, and the firm boot of slappiness.
What is your most embarrassing derby moment?
Feeling like scrapple after every practice.
What is your proudest derby moment?
When I tricked them into letting me pass the skills test!
DDR Awards/ Fan Favorite Awards?
I'll get back to you...
Got any injury stories?
Lots of bruises, but I don't feel pain.
Impress us with your skating skillz…
Given my name, you'd think I'd be better at plow stopping. When will I actually stop? What direction will I be facing? And how many skaters will I take down with me? It is impressive for sure.
Skates: With wheels Wheels: For skates Protective Gear: Yes Must-Haves: All your Derby!
Send out some heartfelt derby love to your peeps…
In all seriousness, Dutchland is made of great people! I am so thankful for their sportswomenship, as well as their sense of fairness and egalitariansim. Thanks to all the skaters for their coaching, patience, and help. And thanks to Elizabeth for putting up with my crazy schedule and stinky gear!